The Deceptive Mirage: A Letter To The Woman Who Motivates Me

You ended up getting pregnant, and honestly, witnessing everything you endured truly amazed me. Carrying that pregnancy wasn't a walk in the park, but we managed to get through it, and you brought two adorable bundles of joy into the world

Dear Judith,

I hope this letter finds you well and filled with the same strength and determination that you have always possessed.

My fingers felt heavy as I penned this letter, my heart aching with memories. Back in high school, I was the science geek and you were the star athlete. I'll never forget the day you stood up to Hagley, the school bully, and knocked him down with one punch (haha). You got suspended for three days, but to me, you were a hero.

Most guys would be embarrassed to have a girl fight for them, but not me. I saw a passion burning inside you, and I wanted that fire. So, I pursued you relentlessly until you finally gave me your heart two years before graduation. Being your prom date was a dream come true, and I wanted to be by your side forever.

You ignited a flame within me, propelling me to unimaginable heights and pushing me beyond my limits. You inspired me to take chances, supported me through setbacks, and cheered for me in my victories. The timid child who once felt isolated now stands tall among others. Everything I have achieved is because of you - from our marriage, to our luxurious home, to our adventures around the globe. There is so much more to our story than what can be captured in this letter.

After being married for eight years, we made the conscious decision to not have children. It was my insistence on the 'no kids policy' as I believed that having children would only bring about unnecessary challenges. However, as time went on, we witnessed our friends and siblings embark on their own journeys of parenthood. Seeing them raise their children, they started to inquire about our plans, subtly urging us to consider starting a family. Gradually, I began to introduce the idea of having our own child. Understandably, you were hesitant, and I couldn't blame you. But ultimately, you gave in because your priority was my happiness.

You ended up getting pregnant, and honestly, witnessing everything you endured truly amazed me. Carrying that pregnancy wasn't a walk in the park, but we managed to get through it, and you brought two adorable bundles of joy into the world. I fell head over heels in love with those two the moment I laid eyes on them. The emotions of becoming a father are beyond words; they're like delicate pollen grains dancing in the wind. The happiness is beyond anything I could have ever dreamed of, and I am grateful to you for making it all happen.

That experience led to significant transformations: due to the pregnancy, you developed stretch marks all over your body and gained 40 pounds on your petite frame. An unbearable odor emanated from you, making me feel nauseous whenever you were near. I would make excuses to avoid your touch, pretending to have a headache or inventing lies to keep you at bay.

I can still recall the moment I revealed the truth about my secret love affairs and the reason why I distanced myself from you; your reaction was not pleasant. Subsequently, you made every effort, sought professional help, and tried to reconcile with me, but by then it was already too late. Now, older and more experienced, I realize I should have been honest sooner; I should not have concealed my true feelings from you. You did not deserve that.

You deserved more from me. I deeply regret hurting you, Judith, and I apologize.

One day, you suddenly decided to embark on a cross-country journey for an incredible job opportunity. You proposed bringing the kids along, and I didn't hesitate. Deep down, I knew I could still have a family while pursuing my dreams. I bid you and the kids farewell with a kiss and watched as you set off on your adventure.

It's been over a decade since we last met face to face, yet you've consistently made sure the kids come to visit me on holidays, showing unwavering dedication to keeping my bond with them strong. Your photos on social media and what people say about you still showcase your timeless beauty, kindness, authenticity, and patience.

It was my own foolishness that led me to believe I could thrive without you, but I soon discovered it was a false. There is truly no one quite like you. The fault did not lie with you; it resided within me. I needed to undergo a transformation. These romantic entanglements are draining me of my vitality, depleting my youthful spirit. I constantly reassure myself that I can stumble upon the next Judith just around the corner, or perhaps by trying my luck with multiple women to be certain, but it's all a mirage. Similar to a desperate gambler chasing their next high, the abyss grows ever deeper. I cannot shake the sensation that I am slowly fading away.

Manny is pushing for me to divorce you and marry her, but I can't find the courage to admit that I have no intention of getting married again. She dreams of starting a family with me, and I feel guilty. My two precious daughters are the most important things in my life now. I told Manny I moved to Massachusetts for work, but the truth is, it was to be closer to you.

My ego stops me from saying this to you in person, and by the time you read this, I will have already passed on. For the time we had together, your presence has been nothing short of a guiding light, illuminating my path and inspiring me to reach for greatness.

Therefore, I need you to understand that I am contrite. I rue the day I allowed my arrogance to hinder me from backing you up, from growing, and from becoming the perfect companion for you. I apologize for the deception. I apologize for the pain I caused you. You are a gem in the midst of chaos. I don't want to make this letter a list of "What I should have done" because it would serve no purpose; however, that girl with determination in her eyes will forever be my inspiration.

I love you Judith

Thomas Star

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME

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